“I feel that I do everything wrong. I feel that I do everything to bring about just what I fear.”

— Anaïs Nin, from Ladders To Fire (via violentwavesofemotion) —

“You remember too much,
my mother said to me recently.

Why hold onto all that? And I said,
Where can I put it down?”

Anne Carson, from “The Glass Essay (via awritersruminations) —

jenn//gene

genesmomma:

"Because she had no idea that you had the same solo." Seh told her as she bit down on her lip. "And she couldn’t not go, you know what would have happened if she wouldn’t have had danced, Abby would have yelled at her." She told her as she frowned, "Who cares what she did, she doesn’t matter." She told her, knowing that wasn’t true at all. All the stuff they ever did was to please Abby. "Okay, it’s alright, just do what you have to do, we’ll fix it when you’re done." image

"If she doe… doesn’t matter than why am I d-d-dancing for her all the time?!" Gene huffed angrily. "I h-hate dancing for h…her! I don’t want to! She m-m-makes me n…not wanna d-dance at all!" Her fingernails were already digging into her skin, her breathing rapid and heavy. "I-I don’t wanna but I-I ha..have to!"

jenn//gene

genesmomma:

"I don’t know why she would do this to you or to Lyla, you don’t deserve it." She said as she pulled her daughter in for a second to hug her tightly. "You’ve got to calm down, I know it’s hard and she embarrassed you but just take a deep breath. Don’t focus on what just happened. Focus on me and that I love you and you were beautiful." She said as she kissed her forehead. "Focus on me baby girl." She told her again as she started to take off Genevieve’s costume as quickly as she could. image

"Why did Lyla do my solo too?" Being so little made it hard to understand. Gene choked on another sob, letting her mom begin to take off the costume. "I — I looked stupid! Mi-Mi-Miss Ab…by s-shook her he-head at me!" Her hands started to twitch, more tears falling. She then plopped to the ground. "M-Mommy, I-I-I ha… have to!"

jenn//gene

genesmomma:

Jennine’s eyes followed to the button that threw across the room. She bit down on her lip as she covered her face, hearing her daughter’s voice screaming at her. “Alright, I’m stopping.” She told her as she just stood still and watched her. She watched as her daughter tried to tear off the costume that she had worked hours on and she couldn’t even be mad about it because she would want to do the same thing. She let her scream and yell and cringed as she watched her daughter throw the makeup mirror on the ground. “Baby, it’s alright.” She said, knowing it wasn’t alright but she needed to stop the little girl before she hurt herself. “Come here.” She said as she started to walk towards her. “I’ll take it off, alright.” She said. image

"It’s not alright!" Gene screeched, stomping her foot. "I’m not alright!" It was the truth too. "She didn’t even tell me Lyla had the same solo! Why would she do that?!" More tears made their way down her face, but she slowly moved toward her mom, fingers still grabbing at the material of her costume to try and remove it. "I can’t b-b-breathe," Gene whispered through her tears.

jenn//gene

genesmomma:

Jennine followed behind her daughter as she rushed to run to the dressing room. Genevieve knew better than to cry anywhere in public, especially around Abby. She was still trying to process what had just happened but all Jennine knew was that Genevieve was going to lose it and it was going to be awful. She noticed her hands already beginning to dig into her skin and that made Jennine cringe. She frowned as she walked into the dressing room behind Genevieve and followed the girl behind the curtains, “Gene—” She whispered, not sure what to say or what to do. 

image

Tiny feet moved quickly towards her desired destination. Upon being inside the change room and behind the certain, Gene began to rip at her costume, a button flying off. “No, stop!” The little girl yelled, voice cracking as the tears continued to fly down her red cheeks. “Don’t Gene me! I’m tired of being Gene!” All she wanted to do was get the costume off, it was too tight - made her feel like she couldn’t breathe.

Figuring out that she couldn’t take it off by herself, she pushed back through the curtain towards the makeup stand, throwing it in an attempt to break it.

“I’m sick of people telling me it’s just a “get over it” situation. Fuck you. You don’t know what it’s like in my head.”

Will McAvoy, The Newsroom (via taaqat)

Story of my life

(via bettertoburnout-thanfadeaway)

Genevieve Wedge's twitter profile

genesmomma:

"Because you’re not just my baby, no matter how badly I wish that you were. Since Daddy and I had you together, he gets to see you too but we can work to change that if you want." She told her. Jennine had always thought about having full custody over Genevieve but she always thought she’d just give Nic the benefit of the doubt. "I’m glad you think so baby. When you get sad, you know you can tell me, right? And I’ll try to hug you and kiss you until you don’t feel like that. Even if Aunt Gia calls you a brat, she still loves you a lot." 

image

"But he’s not Daddy," Gene sighed. "Cassie made him different. My Daddy was nice and he loved us." For a little girl who often found herself oblivious to most things, she could be quite intuitive at times. "I know that. Sometimes it’s better just to cry though. And sometimes it makes me angry." She was sure er mom already knew that. "Mhm. Aunt Gia calls Shaye a brat more than she calls me one and she still loves her."

genesmomma:

"I wish I could too baby girl, I wish I could too. I would hold you tight and never let you go." She told her as she looked down at her hands before back up at her baby. She missed when Genevieve wasn’t in the house, it didn’t feel like home without her there. She nodded, "Sometimes, like when I would want to hug you and play with you and I couldn’t because I was too sad, that made it scary because I knew I wasn’t being a good Momma to you." 

image

"Why do I have to go?" Gene asked curiously, pulling her chair closer to the table as much as she could. "But you’re the best mommy. I’m sad too sometimes. And you even love me when Aunt Gia calls me a brat."